36. They Think it’s All Over…

So last time I left off I’d strangely agreed to a third date with my Palestinian Premiership Guy.   And I’ll explain why now… although the second date had not been a raging success and conversation had been far from scintillating; it had gone well on the first date so I thought it only fair to give it another shot.

To be honest sometimes I fear that I don’t give the guys I meet enough opportunity to win me over or vice-versa even.  The problem is when you’re looking for love, who knows how long you give someone before deciding whether there’s something there or not?  Now granted sometimes you just have to see them enter a room and you know it’s never gonna happen, like when they’re rude and obnoxious from the start, have poor personal hygene, or just don’t look a thing like their profile.  But what about those other times, when they look ok, the conversation is fine but there’s no immediate spark?

Now in the course of meeting someone in the usual manner – through friends, work or going to the same activity or bar – you can get to know someone gradually.  You may not dirty-dancingfancy them, in fact you may not even view them as a prospective lover at all.  But time and circumstance allow feelings to grow and you eventually end up fancying the arse off them and imagining doing the horizontal salsa/bogle/conga-line (in fact just insert whatever dirty dancing you want here) with them whenever they glance your way.

I know this happens, I’ve even seen it happen in real life, but the thing is when you’re dating online, time just doesn’t allow.  The circumstances within which you meet are always artificial, you’re meeting with the sole purpose of interviewing for the prospective role of shag partner, life partner, or partner for the time being until something better comes along.  And for that reason you can’t afford the luxury of hanging out for the next few months just to see if you might end up crushing on them eventually.

So on that basis, I decided to work on a three date rule, if I was undecided after two dates 3rd Date Rulebut could see some vague possibility of fancying them, they get one more throw of the dice.  For Premiership Guy’s third attempt we decided to go to the park again but this time it was during the day and we organised a picnic, followed by the cinema.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and he was looking good in a tight t-shirt again – I’ll give him this much, he knows how to work with his assets!  We chatted a bit about what we’d been up to since we last met, ate a bit and then lay down to enjoy the sun.  It was all very chilled like last time, and again just like last time, the conversation was flowing as sluggishly as the blood-flow of a clinically obese man having a nap after eating three burgers, five servings of fries and a gallon of strawberry thick-shake – on sedatives.

Having talked ourselves dry yet again within half an hour of meeting, he proceeded to try and get off with me in the middle of the park.  Now I’m no prude – I’ll even admit to having had al-fresco sex on a common, in the long grass in the middle of the day.  Slightly embarrassingly a dog walker came by at a rather inopportune moment, but being the troopers that we were (overly horny and young), we soldiered on.  But when it came to Premiership Guy in a very public park with no long grass in view… well let’s just say I’m not as young, and I wasn’t as horny for him at least.

The other problem was I was getting distracted by all the other hot guys in the park – not a good sign when you’re on a date.  Eventually when it was looking like I was about to doze off – which he didn’t seem at all perturbed by (in fact he took it as an indication of how comfortable I was around him rather than how mind-numbingly bored I was), we decided to head to the cinema.

I chose a comedy rather than anything too romantic or heavy, I’m not a fan of rom-coms and as much as I do enjoy a good drama, I felt like we needed to lighten the mood.   He did the gentlemanly thing and bought the tickets and I bought the snacks and proceeded to our seats.

The film was hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing the whole way through, so much so that my sides were hurting from laughing so much.  The only thing was, every time I looked over at Premiership Guy he was barely even cracking a smile!  Now admittedly some of the humour was a bit crass in places, but still… not even a smirk or a slight giggle???

For me this was the definite final whistle.

If I can’t converse easily with a guy, the kiss feels passionless and we don’t even have theMichelangelo's David same sense of humour in the slightest? Well it’s a no–go for me, even if the guy does have the most beautiful green eyes in the world and a chiselled physique that would make Michelangelo blush.

So sadly I’ve called it a day with Premiership Guy, but it wasn’t for want of trying.

What’s next?  I hear you cry…

Well there are two more contenders – A primary school teacher, and a stockbroker… you couldn’t get much more polarised opposites if you tried!

I’ll tell you more in the next post….

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