31. The Pornstar

I know I left a bit of a teaser in my last post regarding my night out with a pornstar and I know I owe you an explanation.
After my putting Football Guy on the bench, or is it the transfer list? (I’m not sure which analogy is the most fitting but basically he’s out of bounds for me now) Well I needed some cheering up and a friend of mine from my pole dance classes asked if I wanted to join her on a girls night out with a difference.
My friend (we’ll call her Phoenix as she’s the one who taught me how to eat fire for Public School Boy – see my earlier posts if you don’t know already) is actually a professional dancer and as such has worked dancing amongst other places, on cruise ships.  The girl’s night out was actually because of a past gig she’d had on a cruise ship the year before, it was kind of an unofficial reunion night out that I got to tag along on.   We were also going to see one of the dancers perform that night, a guy we’ll call Chico – always gotta protect the innocent 😉 who also happens to be a male stripper.

Chico was performing in his regular show in a club in town which is famous for having an indoor swimming pool in one of the rooms, as well as a Full Monty male strip show every Friday night.

We got there just before the show started and found ourselves an area away from the main audience which was 100% made up of ladies dressed in variously themed outfits (mostly Grease Pink Ladies, ‘slutty policewomen/nurses/army girls or eighties neon leggings & matching tutus).

The first couple of guys who came on were clearly new and were still working on their strip acts.  Generally speaking they all worked around the theme of uniformed guy, takes clothes off, embarrasses the bride-to-be and then finishes with a ‘helicopter’ finale.  The helicopter propeller in this case being represented by the extremely fast rotation of a semi-erect penis.

Sexy?  Most definitely not.  Ridiculously kitsch and hilarious after several glasses of over-priced and sickly sweet glasses of wine (kindly given to us by the management, so one can’t complain too much, gift horses and all that)? Most definitely a resounding Hell Yeah!

Halfway through the show there was a break, where a delightful buffet spread of Iceland’s finest lay before us (we’re talking Kerry Katona prawn rings, sausage rolls and the like rather than Icelandic gravadlax or horsemeat in case you’re wondering).  I’ll admit I chowed down on a few rolls and some highly questionable chicken on a stick, I’m not proud, but I was hungry.

After the break the performances resumed – I have to say it made me feel a little nostalgic for my Northern roots – there was something faintly reminiscent of working men’s clubs being taken over by the girls for the night, or the atmosphere in many of the pubs and clubs I’ve been to in the North East where I grew up. That atmosphere being one of sheer animalistic female hunger, like a pride of lionesses who’ve just spotted a lame gazelle quietly drinking at a watering hole, totally oblivious to it’s impending, blood-bath doom.

Saying that, there were times when you could see the fear in the eyes of the male strippers when one particularly enthusiastic and rather Rubenesque bride-to-be decided to literally throw herself on top of one of the younger, less experienced strippers.

Our friend Chico was the last to perform, the finale of the show, which ended wit him completely naked until he eventually covered himself in his national flag. Ay Ay Ay! – or whatever it is they say in Brazil.

After the show ended I was formally introduced to Chico, now fully clothed in extremely tight fitting jeans and a vest top.  He then introduced us to some of his stripper friends, one of whom was one of the early, newer acts who did a ‘lifesaving’ Baywatch pastiche as part of his pre-helicopter act.

It turned out that the baby-faced newbie (with a body that was anything but boyish!) came from the same area so we got chatting, and of course dancing.  He was actually an extremely good dancer and took my drunken twerking in his stride.  He also told me that prior to taking up stripping he’d been a porn actor for the last couple of years…

WOW!  Well thankfully I just managed to keep my jaw from bouncing on the rather dubiously sticky dancefloor and just raised an “Oh really, that’s interesting” eyebrow.

It was all rather odd, having seen him perform his special talent – part of his act involved poi spinning, or whatever the hell it is people do with poi – in the nude before finding out his real name.  And then to find out he used to have sex on film for a living???  Well it certainly made a change from the usual chat-up in a seedy night-club.

So of course it made sense for us all to head to the swimming pool and strip down further – to my bikini I hasten to add, I’m not that free-loving regardless of being the offspring of hippies.

Well I’ll fill you in on what happened in the pool later, it’s Friday night so of course I’m off out to have more fun…

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2 thoughts on “31. The Pornstar

  1. Haha oh man that’s hilarious. I mean it sounded like a pretty fun night all things considered though 😀

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