Well I’ve stayed true to my word, I’ve started dating again and my next foray is with a guy who works in IT – Yes the friendly man at the end of the line who tells you to switch your PC on and off and to call you back if it’s still not working. We’ve been texting and emailing each other for the past couple of weeks, and finally we’ve arranged to meet. IT Guy is from the dating website rather than a random encounter so hopefully this means he’s got more potential as an actual boyfriend than Football Guy. He caught my attention online as I noticed that a couple of his photos were clearly taken in Japan and having lived there myself, I thought we’d at least have that in common to talk about. From his photos, he looks reasonably attractive – yes I’m trying to break type and steer clear of the devastatingly handsome men as they tend to do just that – leave you devastated and decimated like a beach resort after a tropical storm; all broken palm tree branches and empty condom wrappers strewn across a once idyllic stretch of golden sands… Okay so maybe I stretched that particular synonym a bit far, but you get my drift. Hot men are by their very nature, destructive.
But back to the IT Guy, we get on well on text and we’ve chatted a lot online. Normally I prefer to meet people relatively soon after establishing good communication rather than drag it out for weeks on end; after all I’m not looking for a pen pal. But in this case he was just about to go on holiday to Morocco so we had to wait an extra week or so before we could actually meet. Given our strong Japanese links (turns out he lived there for a year or so too), I suggested we go to a lovely Okonomiyaki restaurant for lunch; it’s fast and always busy so even if we didn’t get on as well in person as we do online, it wouldn’t be too long or painful a process. By the way, for those of you who don’t know what Okonomiyaki is, it’s like a big omelette/pancake with cabbage and meat or seafood, with brown sauce and mayonnaise slathered all over it… totally delicious and great comfort food!
We agreed to meet at a station close to the restaurant, but before actually meeting him, I spent the morning with a girlfriend for a bit of a catch-up and some window shopping, oh and a brief run-down of my prospective date-in-waiting over coffee. I also had my friend confirm if my smart/casual outfit (a clingy calf length printed dress with a woolly cropped jumper) was smart/casual enough for a Saturday lunchtime date. To be honest if it wasn’t, it was a bit late to do much about it but still always good to have confirmation Having had my outfit approved as first date-worthy I left the coffee shop for the station where my date awaited me. Happily IT Guy is on time and dressed smart/casual too, though to be honest I wasn’t expecting great shakes in the fashion department… he works in IT for God’s sake! But he’s made an effort to look nice without looking like he’s tried too hard either.
Not only was he on time, but he also looked like his photos, always a bonus! He didn’t look better or worse than his pictures, just pretty much as is and as such I overly overwhelmed or underwhelmed either. We got to the small restaurant, and managed to get a booth table, which is always a bonus as the majority of seats are at the large counter and it can get pretty busy. The other great thing about Okonomiyaki is it’s all cooked in front of you on the big hotplate surface that make up the majority of your table – great when it’s a bit cold outside, though once you start eating it doesn’t start long before you’re peeling off layers in an effort to cool down, so the jumper doesn’t stay on long at all!
Lunch itself was great, the food was delicious as always and the conversation flowed just as well as the sake we were drinking. We found a lot to talk about, sharing our experiences of Japan, things we’d seen and done, our experience teaching out there and all the multitudes of food we missed. It was as very pleasant, nostalgic conversation and I really enjoyed talking to him. It turned out we’d both been living there around the same time and we talked about the culture shock of adapting back into UK life. When he came back he sort of fell into a career in IT, which I get the feeling isn’t his main passion in life so I’m yet to discover what his passion is.
Looking across at him, I couldn’t say I was in lust but I was at least able to concede that he had a kind face and nice eyes, so perhaps he could be a grower? After lunch we decided to go to a nice café that serve amazing fresh mint tea and equally delicious fresh cakes – yes I can be a bit of a foodie at times. The café is short walk from the Japanese place and inside is really light and airy and we manage to get a table tucked away to the side. We actually ended up staying there a good couple of hours and without any awkward silences or overly long pauses in conversation. But eventually we did part ways after he walked me back to the station. There was a pause as we eyed each other up, both trying to assess whether the other was going to make a move and then compromised on a half-hug and a cheek kiss. I have to admit I was relieved it was that rather than what would have been an abortive snog – I do like him and he not unattractive but at the same time I’m not sure if we have anything more in common than our love of all things Japanese yet. Definitely worth a second date though and before we left the café I did let him know that I would definitely like to meet again.
As for Football Guy, if you’re wondering what’s happening with him? He’s still around and making himself ‘useful’ about the house – not in the DIY sense either, after all he’s there which is precisely why I don’t need to ‘Do It Myself’. I have to say I’m enjoying the power that comes with being in complete control of my sex life, it’s a pretty intoxicating buzz. I’m also enjoying all the different things I plan to do to… with, I mean with him… You see it’s been a long time since I’ve been in anything steady and I have to say I miss regular sex – by that I mean regular as in frequent rather than regular vanilla sex.
Now I know each to their own and all that but for me to feel truly relaxed enough to try new stuff or experiment, it has to be with someone I’m seeing on a regular basis. Yes I have had a couple of one night stands when I was younger but it didn’t sit well with me and to be honest, it left me feeling pretty dissatisfied on a multitude of levels. Good sex comes for me (pun unintentional but I’m pretty darned pleased with it nonetheless), at least in part from a degree of familiarity. To know that you’re comfortable enough with the other person to dress up in outfits pretending you’re a naughty schoolgirl/nun/teacher/policewoman (please delete as appropriate), or smear yourself from head to foot in Nutella should you so choose to; safe in the knowledge that your chosen partner will only raise an eyebrow in expectant excitement rather than shock, disgust or mild concern that they may go into anaphylactic shock due to a latent nut allergy reaction from your choice of chocolaty spread.
The point is, I feel relaxed with him and I also feel that he’ll be around long enough for me to do a little bit of experimenting myself, and maybe, just maybe dress up as a naughty schoolgirl/nun/teacher/policewoman/French maid/dominatr…. Oh dear, getting carried away with myself again…